January 1st... within the first hour of the day starting I received a call from my mother that her sister, my 52 year old aunt, had suddenly passed away. We were in shock! What?? How? When? She wasn't sick. What in the world!?!?!??! We cried together and I told her I would pray about coming home.
While I was serving in Japan in 1998 my cousin passed away and I couldn't return for the funeral, a regret I have to this day. Lord, what do You want me to do? Go. After talking with Andrew and my mom, a decision was made to return home to support my family through this sudden loss.
Andrew and I had to decided to embark on a Whole30 starting January 1st. I began to question if we should continue in the light of the stress that was ahead. Again, I took time to really consider it and pray.
Much like when I went back to college in August 2005 after my granny passed away that July, I was struggling to focus in my class. Maybe I should drop the class and just wait until next semester. I'm not ready. I had a chat with the Lord and He was like, "Dawn... how would granny feel about you dropping this class?" "She would be really upset with me, that I was allowing my grief to slow my progress towards graduation." "Okay. Let's have a mindset shift. What about you dedicating your class to granny?" "Oh wow!! That is an interesting and intriguing idea. Let's go for it." With a mindset shift, I completed that class with an A.
This Whole30 plan was getting the same mindset shift. Aunt Susie, I dedicate this Whole30 to you! I love you! I wish you could have found the freedom from food that this plan offers. Let's do this!! I know it won't be easy, but I want to honor her with this.
January 3rd... I start the 25 hour journey to Denver, leaving the lodge at 8:00 AM, and Andrew drove me to Auckland airport which is a 3.5 hour drive. Thank you, beloved husband, for being part of my journey to my family!
I had divine appointments on my flights from Auckland and San Francisco. I prayed with my neighbor on the SFO to Denver flight as he was a heart transplant survivor and takes meds every 12 hours to help make sure his body doesn't reject his new heart. I was impressed with how he lives his life - a drummer for a band and he was flying home from a recording session. I see a silver thread of God in this divine appointment.
Now that I am in Denver, let's do this! I met with my cousins to help take care of some of the funeral plans. We laugh, we cry, we are family! I collect my aunt's memorabilia and photos. There is a lot to do, but this will be a very special celebration of her life. I am exhausted.
Working on her slide show was such a precious project as we mused over the photos and memories. Her smile. Her eyes. It reminded me of her laughter. Oh Susie, you will be so very missed!! Thinking about what theme song for her video, I was reminded of one that I had listened to many times... I think it is the right one... See You Again performed by Carrie Underwood.
January 6th... All items are to be at the church to prepare for her service on Monday. I ran into dear friends at the church which was such a blessing. We upload the video and watch the whole thing to make sure it will work. I cry. I can't help it. I can't believe she is gone.
January 7th... I had the joy of attending church at Calvary Aurora with my sister. The worship is always spot on. God spoke to my heart during one song about how He is in every moment. He was there!! My throat got a huge knot it. I quietly sob.. tears rolling down my face. Oh Father, thank You for telling me that!
January 8th... It's the day.... the day to say good-bye.. the day to remember Susie in a special way. God, I need Your help! Calvary Aurora did an amazing job serving my family in this special need. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Christ! I shared at the funeral a bit about what God spoke to my heart. I pray others were comforted by it too.
We go to the Red Robin that Susie would frequent. We remember her some more. I was challenged by the onion rings.. but I didn't touch them. I didn't even reach out for them. I didn't let me eyes linger on that tower of yummyness. Susie.. this Whole30 is for you!
WHOLE30 strong!!!
January 9th... What???!?!?! My uncle, Susie's brother, is found unresponsive and taken to the ER. He has carbon dioxide poisoning again. Lord! Why? My uncle is in ICU. I have to go see him. Wait, my cousin is home alone.. her mother is not there anymore... who do I go see, Lord? Your uncle has his beloved with him. Your cousin is alone. Go see her! Yes, I will go see her... love on her.. be with her. You are dearly loved, dear cousin!
January 10th... My social calendar just made a dramatic shift. I cancelled my two social appointments so that I could be with my uncle in ICU. He is sedated as he is fighting the ventilator which is breathing for him. I love you, uncle! Please pull through! Please keep fighting for life. I can't imagine my world without you! I played Reckless Love for him to remind him that God loves him and just in case the music was too confusing I read the words of the song to him.
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, relentless love of GodOh, how it pursues me, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nineI couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself awayOh, the overwhelming, never-ending, relentless love of God (words changed by me)
The nurses in the ICU were great and I had the opportunity to share with them about what Andrew and I have been up to. Who knows the ripple effect this will have on their thoughts, ideas, and lives. I see potential silver threads of God.
January 11th... Another visit to ICU. He is doing better. Come on, uncle, with God you can do this. I love you! XOXO
January 12th... I wake up with a strange little cough. Hmm.. where did this come from? I decide to do things differently and spend time with a few friends. I have lunch with a dear friend and then run to get some immune system activator. I can't let this cold or whatever it is get in the way of the rest of my trip.
I'm chilled so I put on my puffer jacket. I spend my entire visit with another friend in my puffer jacket. Hmm.. this isn't looking good. I go to the restroom and after washing my hands my teeth start chattering and I am now shivering. I have to go "home". I text ahead that I am super chilled and my home-stay friends prepare for my arrival. I get home and it's full on. I feel terrible!
January 13th and 14th... those days are a blur. I was sick in bed. I think I watched cartoon movies. Whole30 strong! I will not let this sickness kick me off plan.
....... There is so much to share about this month. The completion of this reflection will be posted in a few days .......
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